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I met Babs when she was 14 and I was 15. She thought I was so much older than her. I thought she was too shy. I figured she'd never be significant in my life. How could I know that we'd be BFF.

All these years later (let's not count them) we have what she calls a "True Sister" relationship. I consider her my "go to girl" when I've got real delemas or hot gossip! She was the one I called when my water broke and I didn't know what was happening to me. She was the one I trusted when I tried to swim (ok, dog paddle) out to the raft on the Russin River. Only to find out that sunbathing out there meant that we'd be plagued by the resident biting flies! She cried with me when my�mother died and celebrated with me in the limo on my 30th birthday.

We've been together for almost every highlight in each other's lives. It couldn't have been better that our husbands have been friends since they met�while in the second grade! These men complement each other very nicely. Each one proving that strength and sensitivity can coexist.�

Between us we have 7 children and 7 grandkids! Babs led the way having her first baby 2yrs before me and became my mentor when my first baby came home from the hospital and I was sure I was going to do something wrong! I remember my very first case of�Baby-Blues,�I think there's a medical term for it now and probably a pill to cure it but�back then us new Moms just rolled with the punches.�That day I woke up a seemed to goof up every�single thing I tried to do with my poor little ginnea pig.�When I broke down and cried,�telling her on the phone,�"I can't do this!"�She showed up, put�the baby in his father's willing arms and drove me to the mall where we got "shop therapy"�which we agreed was WAY cheaper than the real thing and through the years has been�WAY effective!

I write about my old gal-pal today because she's entering a new stage of her life and I'm so happy to be�around to share it. I'll write more I'm sure�as her retirement reviels itself and our story continues.�

hello

This is my list of Who I Am today... My 15 minutes in the morning to think about nothing but me, which is going to be hard with everything going on at the present moment. Anyway, here goes my list of who I am...

I am a mother, I am a SISTER, I am a daughter, I am a girlfriend, I am an aunt, I am a granddaughter, I am a woman, I am a push over, I am a fool, I am selfish, I can be hateful, I am inventive, I am creative, I am fat, I am a photographer, I love sitting by a fire, I love research, I hate my teeth, I hate my legs, I love my eyes and lips, I love music, I love chocolate, I want everyone to like me, I love camping, I love the ocean, I love a light rainto walk in, I love to sing, I am a listener, I am a traveler

Well, I am going to stop because my phone rings every 2 minutes with my boyfriend calling to talk about this and that. I guess I won't get my 15 minutes today. I knew this morning that this was not going to be a good day for me.

My sister called crying. She is moving and has to handle it while her husband works. This is hard for me because this is the sister who rarely talks to me, slept with every boyfriend I had, and has torn our family apart piece by piece over the years. On top of that she lives an hour away. Why would I even bother driving all that way with gas prices the way they are just take her some boxes? Because she is my sister and no matter what I still love her. She's crazy, twisted, and a trouble maker but there is always something I see that makes me think she could be a better person. Too bad she won't try. She does have 3 children there who could help her. They are all 10 and up so it's not like they can't help pack but then she says, the issue is,�she can't get boxes. I know once I get there she will want me to stay and help. How do I get out of that? I have a huge list of things to do today but that won't matter to her. I guess I will have to complete as much as possible from my to do list. This way it is done before I get stuck at her house. My mom and I are the only ones left in the family that feel sorry enough for her to stop and do things for her. Everyone else would rather go about their day as if she was not around. I always think about what Mom said while we were growing up... Be nice to each other and never say I hate you. Something bad will happen and you will never forgive yourself. I am also one of those family peace makers just like my Mom. This burden can be extremely stressful especially between my older and younger sisters. There is no fixing that and my brother avoids my older sister and is civil if their paths happen to cross. Our family is perfect and everyone gets along but only without the oldest in the picture and this needs to be fixed!

������������ One of very hard things I deal with is figuring out what is right and wrong. At one point of my life it felt wrong to do but sometimes if feels like there is nothing wrong with it. It mostly bothers me that if someone thinks it’s wrong and judges me for doing it. Maybe this is a lesson I had to learn on my own. I know in the past I have judged people and had to accept their actions. I know I am not perfect but even when everyone told me I was I kept thinking to myself what it was that I was doing wrong. I now know I was doing wrong. Life teaches many important lessons. And I believe it has changed me from within. As long as I keep my head up and follow my heart things will turn out ok. I still feel ashamed of a lot of things I said and done. I hope people can forgive me.

������������� The way I use to feel came from how I was raised. When I began adopting to a new environment I sort of lost control. I was not a very god person and sometimes I think I didn’t deserve all the things I thought I did. I thought of myself as pure, but I was an eggshell. At this moment I actually feel like I used to be very greedy and selfish. A lot of people know me as very generous and that is true because I do love giving. But there was a side that I could not see back then. I am very thankful to the people that I took this out on. Not to forget that I am also very sorry. But it made me become a better man. I have heroes and they are the people that haven’t given up on me.

ughhh.... i'm soooo confused right now. for some reason i keep thinking about drew. even tho i like never talk to him anymore i just cant stop. but then there is brandon who i do really like, and he really likes me or at least he says.but he is 19. i know age is nothin but a number but i mean he is 19 he can do so much more. i'm still in school will be for awhile. we will never see each other. and were 5 years apart. it would be better if it was drew i really liked and and if he really liked me cause he is 15. but its whatever. i'm not going to try to make anything happen. i'm jut going to let things happen. its prolly way better that way. i just am really confused and i dont know what to do at all. :(:(:(:(:(

Drove in this morning a little late.� I had problems sleeping Sunday night and Monday was a lazy/slow day for me.� I knew my calendar was booked for the DMX work most of the day so I decided to sleep in a little and drive in by 10.

10:15 - The WICK guys opened a HEAT ticket for their ID creation in Dev.� Cartman started to ask me about it and I had to dump him off to Hoppy.� I don't create the IDs in LDAP.� They have to open a snap request and send it to Hoppy.

- Mr. T. needs draft budget information by the end of the day.� Sent him a summary of what I need for 2009, none of it is outside the lines so there won't be any approval issues.

10:35 - We started the DMX migration on-time and picked Okoboji as our first conversion.� System down and Slick & I walked across the street to get coffee.� Sounds like Margie is just about done re-zoning the disk so we're going to try to bring it back up.

As always I have mixed feelings about my kids growing up and changing into young adults. I loved all the little people years and I know I'll love the big people years too it's just hard to say goodbye to one and await the other.

My baby boy�goes back to school tomorrow and will enter his junior year, then turn 16 in Sept..

I'm confident that my son will flourish as he has all along. I imagine he'll always be close to us no matter what, I see him with a family that embraces us and wants to include us in their lives. So I have no fear, I just guess I'm feeling nostalgic. It's all good.

I have had a problem with low self esteem for years now and sometimes I just lock myself up and avoid people for weeks. This all stemmed from a husband who beat me and the next who cheated, a large weight gain after quiting smoking,�along with a little teasing from the kids�in school and you are bound for disaster. Counseling did not help. I believe this is because they ask all kinds of questions about who I am. How can they help when I don't even know who I am? I have started something on my own to fix ME! Nobody knows me better than I don't know myself! LOL So, I am on a quest to find out who I am. I now set aside 15 minutes a day for me. It can not be about my children, work or boyfriend. This is about me. I get out paper and a pen and write down who I am. My list is not always the same but at least I will figure out who I am. Every day I evaluate the list from the day before and then write a new list for today. I am slowly learning the statements that truely define me and the ones that I was tricked into believing is me. You should do the same. Some examples from my list today was... I am a mother, I am a daughter, I am a granddaughter, I am a woman, I am a sister, I am an aunt, I could be a best friend to someone some day, I am a photographer, I am an animal lover, I am lazy, I am fat, I love my lips, I love my eyes, I hate my teeth, I hate my legs, I am controlling, I can be hateful, I am over eager to please, I want everyone to like me, I am selfish, etc... My list is very long and has some horrible things in it but that is who I am to ME and nobody knows me better than ME! It changes all the time and the things I don't like about me, can be changed by ME and only ME!

I think, over time, this will be very helpful to ME!

"My advice to young writers is to stop reading like readers and start reading like writers.� Reread stories, books, and passages from books that work for you.� Dissect the prose.� Write it out yourself longhand.� Get inside the mind of the writer.� Figure out why it works.� Then go forth and do the same." (p. 225, In Fact: the Best of Creative Non-Fiction,�Mark Bowden, "Finders Keepers: The Story of Joey Coyle")

This advice reminds me of Tobais Woolf in "Old School" typing out passages by his favorite writers.... of course, in that case, his identification with the stories he was copying went a bit too far.... but, it is still an intriguing technique.